If you’re looking for huge amounts of originality and outside of the box thinking, you’re probably not thinking of small crime. Thankfully, even the not so productive members of society can sometimes flex the brain muscles and come up with some pretty wild ideas. And while it’s nice for us to read them and laugh at them now, I think you can imagine that mid-crime is probably the worse time imaginable to not stick to the plan.
Let’s take a look at some weird crimes that happened because someone somewhere thought they were being clever.
Breaking Into Jail
A man known as James M. DeVore at one time was having a rough patch after the death of his mother. He resorted to alcohol and some drugs to deal with his troubles but felt he needed help. He went to the police station and was sent back so he figured the only solution was to break into jail. When they finally caught him for trespassing, they took him to a sobriety center and the man never saw the inside of a jail cell.
Phillip Smolinsky, a bona fide Florida Man, was charged for domestic violence after attacking his girlfriend with a banana. She claimed he threw a banana at her, while Phillip claimed she threw the banana at him. The only evidence the police could find was, well, a banana lying on the ground.
One of the first things they teach you is not to punch your grandma. This 11 year old boy threw that right out the window when she refused to buy him that toy he really wanted from the department store. The lady managed to get away before the kid struck a second blow but you can imagine why she claimed to be scared of him.
Sometimes people just aren’t wired right in the head. Mark Loescher was convinced he was half-orangutan (seriously, of all apes?) and was charged with aggravated assault as they found him in front of a bank on the phone with a “fusion center” demanding more monkey blood. Apparently the man also knew Elvis and George Bush.
Getting Away From Wife
The calmest bank robbery in history was perpetrated by Anthony Miller. As he quietly went with the police, people were wondering why he was so at ease. Turns out Anthony was in an abusive relationship and just wanted to go to jail so he’d be free from his wife.
Just a Quick Snooze
It must be weird to wake up and find your house mostly empty apart from the robber sleeping on your couch. That robber was Domonique Pinkard. When they – obviously – caught him shortly after and asked why he was sleeping, his reply was “I’ve been working hard all day”. Can’t exactly argue with those facts.
Spider Hostage Situation
A Kansas local named Bryan Smith was asked to care for a pet spider (the weirdness doesn’t come from someone having a pet spider, by the way) and when the original owner asked for the spider back, Bryan decided to ask for $100 in exchange for the eight-legged monster’s life. Honestly that seems like a far better business proposal if you’d just go to random people and *don’t* kill the spider in their house unless they pay $100.