We rarely end up with our first love. However, many people call their first partner “the one that got away.” In reality, things just didn’t work out, as is often the case with love. We often make many mistakes in our first relationship and get wiser as time goes on. However, we must admit that there’s no pain like your first heartbreak. For people who don’t focus on self-growth and moving forward, it can allow you to dwell on the past.
Still, even the most self-aware people who manage to get past the breakup still find difficulty in moving on. That first person sets the bar for all relationships in the future. Despite knowing that things wouldn’t work out if you tried again and learning that this person won’t be your soulmate or forever person, the question remains: do you ever get really over your first love? Since it’s our first memory of romantic love, it can be tough to forget this person completely.
The good memories haunt you just as much as the bad ones. For many people, their first relationship borders on infatuation and obsession. It can be a co-dependant experience, which is why moving on to the next person or even learning how to be alone can feel impossible for many.
As is the tragic reality of it, many love stories have an ending. Time heals on, and we figure out how to get past the heartbreak. Even so, lots of people find that they still can’t let go of each other. Their ex will always be their weak spot, and they wonder “what if” about what the future could have held together.
Many men struggle to move on with “that girl” that first stole their hearts, and the same is true for women in the same position. Once you’ve experienced such intense love (or even lust) with someone, we will forever compare our potential partners. They’re what we base all subsequent and future relationships on.
As much as you want to forget about that person and not have them take up space in your mind, only a certain type of love can awaken you and linger in your memories even years after the relationship is done. They set a standard that you continue to live by.
But this person that we refuse to let go of isn’t the person that exists today as your ex. They live in a bubble of perfection in your mind that pops once the breakup has happened. You’re attached to the memory of who they used to be—not who they are today.
In reality, most of us don’t know who our first loves are today because we don’t keep contact with them. In a worst-case scenario, we cut them off. This prevents closure for an even longer window of time. Until we find the next person who steals our hearts and with whom we become enamored, that past love still haunts us.
In many cases, the next person we fall for is the new version of “the one that got away,” and they become our new reality, helping us rewrite the past and occupy our thoughts of the past. If we can do all that and find a way to communicate and make things last, we can achieve true happiness and settle down for good. If not, the process keeps repeating itself until you find “the one.”