Christmas is all about giving and getting presents, Halloween is the diabetes of all holidays with all the candies and chocolate bars you get trick-or-treating, and… Thanksgiving? What is it about? And don’t tell me it’s “quality family time”, because according to some vintage ads Thanksgiving is all about smoking, drinking beer, and eating mayonnaise with everything.
1. I ain’t reading all that nonsense, but if you advertise smokes as Thanksgiving tradition, you’re probably like 80 years old.
2. Hellmann’s mayo is awesome, don’t get me wrong, but I’d rather not find out what this “surprise” is.
3. I’d really want to see this turkey “live”, but, meh, olive somehow. (screw you, that’s a great pun!)
4. The Pabst Beer truly was popular before it was popular. Makes no sense, but that’s the kind of world we’re living in. In actuality it’s a wretched brew.
5. Extra dry beer for an extra juicy turkey leg! Go ahead, use this one free of charge.
6. Not even going to lie – I’m buying a whole lot of these and eating them every day. That’s a perfect dinner for one.
7. Oh no… Oohh nooo… Not the Jell-O! I don’t know how this turkey tasted before, but with Jell-O it’s like you’re eating spoonfuls of snot.
8. This guy’s a genius! Not only is he having a delicious turkey leg with booze, but he’s also working on a blueprint for some aircraft. Probably not the best combination.
9. Remember when literally EVERYTHING was better when cooked in tin foil? I don’t but that’s how the story goes. You’ll be a “champion chef” indeed.