Today I conducted a survey to determine what percentage of my household prefers dogs over cats. It just so happens that my household consists of my dog and me, but before we answered the question, “So…Dogs? Cats? Whadduya think?” we both signed a statement vowing to be objective. Anyway, the verdict was clear: doggies!!! But that’s just us. We understand that we must coexist with those who own other types of pets, even cats. Thinking about adopting a cat? All you need is a good reason. Lucky for you, we’ve got eight of them!
1. It’s Caturday!!!
When Caturday arrives, why wouldn’t you mark the occasion by heading off to the cat adoption shelter and picking yourself a cat or five? However, there is one thing to keep in mind once you’ve made this decision: from this day forward, literally every day becomes Caturday. Think you’ve got what it takes to accept this new reality? Okay, you probably do.
2. Your town has an ordinance that forbids owning rhinoceroses and such
Why opt for a cat? Well, imagine this scenario: it’s your dream to own a lemur, anteater, wallaby or zebra with a pink plastic horn that you’ve affixed to its head so that it exhibits vague, unicorn-like qualities. Well, sadly for you, you live in a town that doesn’t allow its residents to own these exotic animals because the city council obviously doesn’t like you. Although in fairness, it doesn’t help your cause when you insist on attending the weekly public meetings and rant about how the town would be more magical and Christmaslike if only the “stoopid” elected officials would vote for more snow.
3. Your flatmate doesn’t cause near enough drama
Are you one of those unlucky people who has a roommate who is sweet and considerate? The kind who never helps themselves to your leftover pizza? Or makes sure not to interrupt you — even if they’re curious to know why in the world there’s all this blood splattered on the living room wall — because they don’t want to ruin your Netflix binge-watching? When you adopt a cat, all these courtesies go out the window. It’s all about them. Think they aren’t going to poop in your flower bed? Twenty bucks says they will do precisely that!
4. You’re tired of chasing mice all by yourself
Let’s face it: when your home is infested with mice, spending all of your free time running after them is practically futile. Not only are they significantly faster than you, you’re so out of shape that you always end up needing to catch your breath. But when you take a cat home, you’ve got a teammate who will be happy to help carry the load! Just don’t be surprised if at 3 in the morning, Kitty drops a dead “gift” next to your pillow.
5. When you feel tempted to meow at the moon all evening long, you can just blame it on Miss Whiskers
In your life PC (Pre-Cat), sitting on the balcony and meowing at the moon was something that likely drove your neighbors crazy. And who can blame them? I mean, what was your deal? But in your new life PC (Um…Post-Cat? Acronyms are not my strong suit, okay?), you can meow all you want and conveniently insist that it’s just your cat calling out for Prince Meowington to sweep her off her furry feet.
6. It provides you with a plausible excuse to come into work late
Are you having difficulties with punctuality? It surely must drive your supervisors crazy, especially when you’re expected at work at 8:00 in the morning, but just sort of wonder it at noon give or take an hour. But now you can simply say things like, “I had to take my cat to the vet for a birthday gift nose job” or “My cat’s great-grandmother passed away, so we were attending her funeral.”
7. Owning all that cat food would suddenly make perfect sense
Admit it: you’ve been spending years hoarding boxes upon boxes of WHISKAS® for absolutely no good reason. We’re talking half of the living room filled up with that stuff. It’s time to give all that cat food some purpose by adopting a feline friend!
8. Who wants to have regrets in their life?
Imagine you’ve reached 100 years old. You’ve lived a long, fulfilled life. Everybody more or less liked you. You rarely got fired from jobs. You always remembered to take your cars in for their regular oil changes. But you never owned a cat. How terrible! Is that really something you want hanging over you as you get ready to depart this world? No way, no how! Adopt a cat and meow. Meow meow.